Have you ever been in some part of a communication with another person and then for some reason after you say something or they say something, you experience an odd feeling of disconnect? It really does happen and there are some things you can do to prevent this from happening because of what you said and you can also then understand what’s happening with you because of what another might have said. I call the following “missed-communications” because when any of things are done or said, it usually ends the conversation, you get into an argument or nothing is said but feelings are hurt. I wish I could tell you that I am the perfect communicator and don’t participate in “missed-communications” but I have caught myself doing these at different times. I don’t beat myself up, I try to be more observant, thoughtful and have more intention during the next conversation.
1. Do you find yourself interrupting another’s conversation to ask for inconsequential things such as date, time, place, etc ? When you do, you get into left brain stuff and away from the feelings/connection/observations of the other person which is right brain stuff.
2. Do you give cliches, platitudes or other verses that cut the conversation off ? “The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.”
3. Do you ever change the subject completely? Many of us do this to get out of an uncomfortable conversation. Better to just say, “I’d like to talk about something different.”
4. Do you ever shine the spotlight on you and away from the other person? A comment as simple as, “Oh, my friend did that, too.” Or “I like to do it this way.”
5. Do you ever analyze or judge another? “I think Jack should stop complaining and get a job.” That’s called gossip and it’s deadly for relationships
6. Do you take away people’s feelings? “You shouldn’t feel that way. Everyone goes through this once in their career.”
7. Do you stay present with the speaker or act bored? Shuffling feet, looking anxious.
8. Do you ever correct people’s grammar?
9. Do you use words/language that other people can’t understand in order to make yourself feel important? Note: I’m not talking about new generation words (bling-bling)!
10. Do you rant/rave to someone who can do nothing about the situation?
All these can and do make dialogues uncomfortable and usually end them. Stay away from these or monitor and correct yourself as you build better relationships through more effective dialogues.