Many of us don’t like to use the word NO. Some of us use the word all the time and people who hang out with us or work for us hate it! If you never use NO, you get taken advantage of, taken for granted, used and physically, emotionally abused. If you say NO all the time, you stifle relationships, lower productivity, create morale problems and increase turn-over. Either way, you’re not creating the work or personal community that you really want. Here are some ideas to change that.
If you must say NO,
1. Say it in a kind and loving manner.
2. Do it to protect your time.
3. Do it to honor yourself.
4. Do it to maintain balance.
5. Validate the other person and his/her request.
For example, “Sallie Sue, there’s nothing I would like better than to join your Board. However, I don’t do anything I can’t do well and there are too many things on my schedule.”
If you hate to say NO,
1. Do it for yourself.
2. Do it to honor yourself and your time.
3. Do it to be a model of someone who can set and maintain boundaries.
4. Do it to feel good about yourself by taking a risk.
5. Validate the other person and his/her request.
So if you are the one to take little Sally to dance practice, soccer, the debate club and cheerleader practice, when she comes home and says, “Mom, I’m started yoga on Thursdays. You need to take me at 6.”
You can respond by saying: “Yoga is a great way for you to keep in shape and stretch. Since I’m already taking you to dance, soccer and cheering squad, you’ll have to get a ride with one of your friends. Who’s taking the class with you?”
If one of your employees comes to you and asks to take a long weekend off, you might say YES or your might say NO. The trick is to say neither. Rather than saying YES or NO to the employee’s request, say, “That’s a reasonable question. May I ask who will cover your responsibilities?”
Saying NO is a challenge for some and easy for others. Regardless of who’s saying it, say it right!
Linda Talley
Speaker and Body Language Coach
